Psychedelics and the Art of Falling Apart
“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” ― Pema Chödrön
Many people who use psychedelics in an intentional way, experience healing at a deep level and gain new insights into their life. There is no doubt, that expanded states of awareness can transform you, and they may also make you fall apart in the process. You will lose your defenses, and the familiar games you play with yourself will no longer work. This is a good thing. At the same time, it can be unsettling.
One of the reasons that I became an integration therapist, is because I have experienced this first hand. My work with psychedelics has transformed me, and it also brought some challenges that were unexpected.
For example, I am more sensitive now. This means, my intuition is stronger, and so is my ability to pick up on any other sensory information. I am more attuned to the sounds in my environment, and the emotions of others. This required me to work harder on developing strong boundaries, and learn how to better communicate what I am sensing.
I am also less prone to self deception, and less likely to tolerate the status quo. As an effect, I made significant life changes to be in alignment with myself. Letting go of the life I had planed, and moving towards a future I couldn’t yet fully see, was anxiety provoking at first. While the dissolution of old constructs and defenses was needed for my growth, it certainly brought some uncertainty into my life.
To transform and create something new, there is a certain level of unraveling that is required of us. To do that while holding yourself with compassion and care, is not always an easy thing to do.
“The search for reality is the most dangerous of all undertakings, for it will destroy the world in which you live”
To access your light and your greatness, you will also have to face your darkness and learn how to work with it. Not to release it, but to love it unconditionally as a daily practice. Even the aspects of your personality that you see as undesirable, are there for a reason. It is the integration of all your parts, that brings wholeness.
The healing process is not a straight line, and it will not always follow your agenda. Ingesting a psychedelic is not like taking a pill that will take away your symptoms. It is more like looking through a microscope to gather data. The real work comes after. Like a scientist, you will take things apart and put them together in a new way. You will connect the dots and access deeper parts of yourself. At times it may feel like you are walking in circles and you may get inpatient. Looking for answers, you will find more questions. And one day, it will all make sense.
